All love is fake

Yup.

This idea has been with me since a long time, but only recently have I begun feeling it in a more weighty manner. Now, I am not very well versed into this looking at myself thingy. I am not very good at seeing the mechanics of my ego clearly. But this idea still stands true.

I see how people function and all I see is veiled self interest. I am much as I can see myself, I see the same thing. I have never done anything for anyone(Maybe sometimes, very rarely.) without the want for validation of my identity, or personal gain. 

So it stands that, I have really loved nobody. It also stands that nobody ever loved me.

Typing that feels so good. Nobody ever loved me. I always knew this somewhere. But I can say it as a literal fact now.

The only thing that has got me appreciation, love, attention. affection, respect, honor, difference and consideration are my properties. My body or the position that has fallen on my lap somehow. Nothing else. Nothing that was ever told about me was actually about me.

So the love is false on so many different levels. On one level, the one loved is not the actual person but the impression of the person who is loved. Not the actual ego but the idea of the ego that the other person perceives which in no way is related to the actual person.

All the better to see you!

On the other level, even that love is out of self interest.

So who loves whom? Nobody loves anyone. If you feel that you truly love someone, ask yourself, why don't you love someone else instead? 

Or better yet ask yourself, to what degree would the loved one have to change so that you would stop loving them?

Or even better, ask yourself, what makes your loved one special, so as to merit your attention?

When answered clearly, these questions never to fail to point out the falseness of these emotions. These are stories we make up to shield our actual loneliness. We believe in these stories dearly. And no belief is true.

Plainly said, it is a mental(and therefore hormonal) condition. It is a symptom of lies and mental illness of our culture and upbringing.

I don't want to give myself and anyone the impression that my words about this are in any way pessimistic. I just want to stop pretending what is not true, inauthentic and pretentious to be true and meaningful or even beautiful in some way. I want something that is real. If I just remove what is false and energy sapping from my being, I might just make way for something real to blossom.